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Dating Advice Articles - Carlos Xuma
How to ask a girl out on a dateIn this article, Carlos looks at some strategies for asking a girl out...
HOW TO ASK A GIRL FOR A DATE This question has to be one I hear most frequently from guys.
It's the most intimidating question a guy can ask a woman, and one that I get asked about regularly. It feels like such a risky proposition, putting yourself out there for a woman's approval (or rejection.)
The answer to the riddle is this: STOP asking women out!
First of all, you're starting a program in a woman's head that says: "He's romantically interested in me. That means dates, and awkward kisses, and possibly sex, and then a breakup like the last one. I better not."
Second, by asking her out, you make a woman need to figure out if she's attracted to you the moment you ask the question. She is presented with an opportunity which requires her to figure out her interest level in YOU.
You see, a woman doesn't want to lead a man on, but she also rarely knows right away if there's romantic interest. So she'll say yes just to test you out. It's like her first drive of a new car. She doesn't want to be obligated to buy right off the bat. If you push her for an answer right away (which is how asking her out comes across to her) she'll say No, even if she isn't sure yet.
Most women are NOT attracted to you immediately unless it's by your looks alone. If you rely on pure sex appeal to win you the one you want, you'll be relying on "luck." There's a much better way.
Don't move so fast on her. Be patient. (Oh, and another fringe benefit of not asking a woman out is that you can't be rejected. Pretty cool, huh?)advertisement
Take a moment and think about which of these would be most interesting to a woman:
A) A meal and/or movie date that demonstrates no originality, and implies that she'll have to be considering you romantically, and that there will be pressure for her to be "on," and then after it's all done, she'll have to deal with your attempt to kiss her. Scary.
B) A chance to go out and have some fun, with no pressure.
Which one sounds better to you?
Now, if you're still leaning towards Option A, think about which one sounds better to HER?
Does Option B sound better now? You better believe it does.
Now, it may not seem to have your interests in mind right away, but that's not what winning a girl's heart is about. It's about forgetting what YOU want for long enough so that you can give her what SHE wants.
Let's put it this way - would you invest $10,000 of your hard-earned money in a stock you'd never even heard of before? No way! You'd want to see what the company is about, check out the fundamentals. And THEN you might be willing to invest a few hundred or so.
That's what it looks like to her - potentially BIG risk, and no guarantee of return.
There's a saying: "You can have anything you want in this world if you just help enough other people get what they want."
Also, Option B gives her a little MYSTERY about your intentions and your interest, and that is what a woman wants. Remember: hope + doubt = passion.
So now that you've figured out that you need to give her a lower investment option to start out with, how do you do it exactly?
Easy. If you've only just met her on the street, you should see if she's got a minute for coffee or tea at the local coffee shop. Take the opportunity to build a little rapport and show her that you're FUN. The rest will come later if you can demonstrate a laid-back, fun personality.
If she doesn't have the time, you then shift into a lower gear and get her phone number and/or email address. After you put such a nice request out there for coffee and she turned you down, she's more likely to agree to give you her contact information, and in most cases she will write it right down.
If she hesitates, which is very likely because you're still essentially a stranger, then you need to reassure her by teasing her. That's right, teasing her.
HER: "Sorry, I don't give out my number."
YOU: "It's okay, I'm only going to leave you a hundred messages on your machine. C'mon, write it down." Make her feel a little silly that she doubts your integrity and character. Teasing makes her forget about her weird trust issues.
Hand her a pen and paper and don't look her in the eye; just wait. The next person who speaks, loses.
Usually, she'll write it down. You have to be willing to wait out that long, uncomfortable silence while she figures out if you're a confident guy or a wimp. If you start talking and trying to reassure her of all the reasons she should feel okay about giving you her information, you've already lost.
Just act as if she could do nothing else, and she will do exactly what you want.
Once you have her contact information, you only need to get hold of her and invite her to complete the offer you originally made - tea or coffee at a certain local shop. It's a low-investment, and it's not too pushy or overtly "romantic" that she has to worry about where things have to go.
At this point, you'd need to start applying the advanced strategies from The Seduction Method to keep her interest and get her into you.
You'd use the Tease-to-Please tactic, along with the conversational techniques I detail in my e-book. You could then apply some of the Kinaesthetics and other advanced tactics to melt her into your arms. Your coffee date could turn into an overnight date, if you're willing to learn a few new attitudes and skills.
If you want the COMPLETE game-plan, you have to get the rule book - my e-book. That's where I've put hundreds of strategies and pointers to this game of seduction so that you can win at this game.
It's the difference between having a few pieces of the puzzle, and having the whole work put together for you to give you the BIG picture. It's the difference between hesitation and masturbation.
I remember when situations like this used to baffle me. I thought for sure it was me doing something wrong (because I was doing a LOT of things wrong back then, but didn't understand which were which.)
After taking years and YEARS of this abuse, I decided that I had to figure it out, once and for all.
No more fluffy nonsense about what you should do that don't tell you how to do it. Real tactics and strategies, as well as the underlying beliefs of the men who GET WOMEN. Isn't that what you want?
The strategies and information in The Seduction Method aren't untested theories or lame ideas about how women work... they work for real because I've used them for years to get massive success with women. And now you can, too. I'm in this to help you guys out ... to get the kind of success you want and DESERVE to have with women. You don't have to sit at home without a woman in your life. You don't have to sleep alone every night. And you don't have to fear women anymore. You can get success - REAL success - with The Seduction Method. Download it TODAY!
Carlos Xuma is a dating and seduction advisor, as well as a motivational and life counselor. He's the author of The Dating Black Book, The Seduction Method, and Secrets of the Alpha Man, and too many other articles to mention.
Carlos has also been a guest advisor and author on numerous sites and respected dating publications, such as:
Carlos: "I wanted answers to the riddle of women for years, and I finally decided that I was going to get them. I started reading all the books in the bookstore on the topic. When I realized they didn't have the information I needed (or even a clue, really), I started looking for books that talked about pickups and techniques and the "taboo" information that you couldn't find anywhere else.
(I started this before there was an "internet," mind you. :)
When I got as much as I could find (and that wasn't a lot) I started trying and experimenting with women. I got rejected and blasted, and occasionally I also got laid. I watched why people did the things they did and noticed how their behavior influenced how other people perceived them.
I have spent years and years out there getting battered, deep-fried, and served up as a meal ticket in the world of dating, and there's no reason why any guy should have to go through that.
So I wrote these e-books, crammed full of information that is practical, useful, and REAL. None of that "buy her roses/write her poems/tell her how you feel" crap.
You know, life is a lot shorter than you think.
Ask yourself: Do you want to wind up in your rocking chair whining about all the things you should have done?
You only get one shot at this life, so seize this opportunity. It's time to start winning.
Invest in yourself and learn the strategies and mindset that will make you successful not just with women but in LIFE."
Get the "Secrets of the Alpha Man program ... "